RIP J Dilla: I Try

“Sickness” as one fan put it. Nuff said.

Quinton Rampage Jackson Quits UFC: Dana White, Quinton Jackson and the belly of the beast

The news that Quinton Jackson has quit UFC should really come as no surprise. Couture was the first to ever, burst upon that silent sea.  And talking about things oceanic,  the foul sea-food smell around L’affaire de Machida was the first tip off that something was indeed  “rotten in the State of UFC” and we said so at the time. (Surprise, surprise.)  Now comes the revelation in a no-holds-barred announcement on Quinton Jackson’s website, that that was just one, of a long litany of disappointments, that made him quit UFC.  And one of the things he mentions is that Dana White DID NOT give him a shot at Machida’s title after UFC 98, which if true, would bolster our contention that Jackson was clearly dissembling in that well publicised interview in which he defended what he presented at the time as his decision not to fight Machida.  Quote:

“When Rashad got knocked out I told them I wanted to fight Machida for the belt but Dana told me if I coach TUF against Rashad that I could fight Machida afterwards cause this was a different type of ultimate fighter show they were doing. After I signed the contract Dana then changes his mind and says I have to fight Rashad and even told me what to say in the press and so my fans think I was scared to fight Machida. After all that I still never complained and I did it all.” (Quinton Jackson)

The plot thickens. Of course there are two sides to every story, even where Dana “The Great”  White is concerned. So Quinton may practically be screwing himself in the rear with the timing of his exit and the  reason for doing so (the chance to play B. A. Baracus in the movie remake of “The ‘A’ Team“).

Quinton Jackson: Old school slugger holding an incidental flashlight to the belly of the UFC beast. He is not always the most rational, but there are some issues that go beyond him here, namely the UFC's decision making process.

But the fact that Quinton Jackson may not be as smart or as pure as the driven snow does not negate the fact that Dana White makes screwy decisions sometimes. Heck, the fact that a guy as gentlemanly as Randy Couture said sayonara to the Hairless One and the UFC  once, should give all level-headed fans a pause for thought. So the bottomline is that Dana is not gonna come out smelling like a rose in this one.  He may, like Vince McMahon in the case of  Bret Hart,  argue that Quinton Jackson owes “loyalty” to the biz that paid his bills when the chips were down,  but that won’t wash, especially coming from someone like him. Dana has fanboys that regularly polish his knob (figuratively of course), but there is a large chunk of  MMA fandom,  that is hip to his machinations. Jackson’s official announcement did a lot to expose the belly of the beast and how fight decisions are made. The Machida-Jackson reversal, if  true, may turn out to be one of the worst decisions Dana White made; an unraveling point that denied MMA fans of a historic face-off while depriving Machida of a great exclamation point to his inchoate career.

Iconography of dominance (In the animal kingdom, such verities have distinct ordors): Quinton Jackson as Lobo King of the Currumpaw cuts loose with a symbolic howl in front of a fallen ungulate (Chuck Liddell). Can characters like Quinton Rampage Jackson be easily replaced? The question is rhetorical.

This is a messy stew and noone at this juncture can figure out what went into it. But lets be real. This is a shady business.  And as Modus Operandi go, it couldn’t be that far removed from the shady world of boxing.  Call it a recessive gene of the industry.  So the expectations that things are gonna be on the up and up are just stupid. There is enough grease in this business to grease more than one fat pair of hands. It ain’t your mama’s  PTA and neither should it be. Cobbling a fight organization from near scratch is no business for matrons or pillars of society.   So characters like Dana  have their uses.

And Quinton Jackson has had  his issues in the past. But just because Dana White and UFC helped him when he was down doesn’t mean UFC can squeeze him at every turn.  The more hard-nosed will say, hey, this is business – but even they have to admit that lop-sided quid pro quo’s rarely end with happy tidings.

Our sentimentality vote goes with Quinton Jackson on this one. He is the little guy and he stands to lose this unless he can make a quick re-entry into MMA after his movie. His acting career ain’t going anywhere and the glory days of an MMA fighter are woefully numbered.  Ten years, if that, is a tight window for a sport that does not pay very much. And if Jackson burns his bridges with UFC, where is he gonna go?

Everything in our crystal ball says Quinton Jackson will do his movie and quickly come back to MMA either with UFC or via another promotion. If not, he will go quietly into that goodnight while taking obscure exhibition fights to, as he originally put it, “feed his family.” The UFC will do OK without  Jackson, but the 205lb division will miss the energy, passion and technicolor he  brought to the octagon for the next five years.

Now having said that, here is the resignation statement that Quinton Jackson posted on his website ( log in information required). We are posting it here verbatim:

Quinton Rampage Jackson Resignation Statement:

Quinton Rampage Jackson:Shades of a true original

“I’m done fighting. The UFC has done a lot for me but I think I have done more for them. The UFC bought WFA to get my contract and they saved my life, so I felt loyal to them. They pushed me into a fight with Chuck Liddell even when I clearly stated I wasn’t ready to fight for the belt because the American fans didn’t know me but I took the fight and didn’t complain and after I won the American fans booed me for the first time which changed the way I saw them and it hurt me deeply.

“Then before I can even get out of the cage they announced that I was fighting Dan Henderson without even asking me. After I beat Dan Henderson, I made history in becoming the first undisputed champion in MMA but was never even given the pride belt in the cage and I was never promoted as the undisputed champ. Later Anderson Silva was.

“Then they had me coach TUF season 7 and fight Forrest and the fight was very controversial and normally when a fight is that close and controversial there is normally an instant replay. I can name a couple of instances. Instead they offered me the Vanderlei Silva fight which I gladly accepted even though I know it was a very risky fight for me to take because of all the drama that was happening to me at the time. I fought that fight with a jaw injury and then a couple weeks later Dana called me and asked me to fight Rashad. For the first time I said no, I didn’t want to fight because it was such short notice and I wouldn’t have had a long break between camp. Dana talked me into fighting Rashad anyway but Rashad refused the fight and so I had to fight Jardine as a favor to the UFC instead of getting my belt back (which wasn’t even worth it to me financially).

“Then I reinjured my jaw in the fight with Vanderlei and Jardine. Frank Mir gets hurt so they wanted to switch my fight from UFC 100 to the fight Frank couldn’t make it to but I couldn’t fight cause I needed jaw surgery. So they give Machida the fight against Rashad and they told me they want me to coach TUF season 10 against Rashad. That’s why I wanted Rashad to win so bad but when Rashad got knocked out I told them I wanted to fight Machida for the belt but Dana told me if I coach TUF against Rashad that I could fight Machida afterwards cause this was a different type of ultimate fighter show they were doing. After I signed the contract Dana then changes his mind and says I have to fight Rashad and even told me what to say in the press and so my fans think I was scared to fight Machida. After all that I still never complained and I did it all.

Then this movie role came about that I have been trying to get for over a year and as soon as I found out I was close to getting it, I called Dana right away and asked to push the Memphis fight back just a month or so. I told him what this movie role meant to me. I told him that I used to bond with my father watching the TV show as a kid when my parents where still married & it represents the memories I had with my father when we lived together. My dad became an alcoholic and addicted to drugs and we grew apart. But after my dad got his life back together, I was so proud of my dad and I told him I would always take care of him in the future and make him proud of me. My dad and I are still very big fans of the show and I am basically doing this for the childhood memories I had spending time in front of the TV with my dad. Dana went on the internet and mocked me because of that and I still did nothing. Dana and I finally talked and we made up and then after that he went back on the internet and said some bullshit and he was talking bad about the movie when information is not even supposed to be released and talking about payments which is not even true could really hurt my future acting career, which could very well last longer than my fighting career. I’m not like Randy Couture. My body has been getting so many different injuries that I wont be able to fight until my forties and neither do I want to fight that long. So I feel like my second career could be in jeopardy.  So I’m done fighting. I’ve been getting negative reviews from the dumb ass fans that don’t pay my bills or put my kids though college. So I’m hanging it up. I’m gonna miss all my loyal fans but hopefully they’ll follow me to my new career and I will gain more loyal fans along the way. And all you hater fans out there can kiss my big black hairy ass! And anybody that don’t like what I just said can come try to kick my ass!

“I still feel the UFC is a great organization and I felt like I was very loyal to them but they didn’t respect my loyalty but I wish the UFC the best. I did a lot of things for them. I wish no bad blood between us but I have kids and a family back in Memphis to provide for and that’s all that matters to me!” (Quinton Rampage Jackson)

End of Statement

Appendices:

Why UFC 104 with Machida vs Jackson would have eclipsed UFC 100

UFC 71: Chuck “Iceman” Liddell vs Original Man, Quinton “Rampage” Jackson

Tangential Musings On Lobo, King of the Currumpaw (PBS Story of  “The Wolf that Changed America”)

9 Reasons Brock Lesnar Will Beat Shane Carwin at UFC 106

Brock De Beast: Just look at that neck and tell us if Carwin will be able to snap it backwards or sideways with his celebrated "short right".

Forget about UFC 104 and 105 because they are just the feeble whimpers before the big bang of UFC 106. MMA time-space is about to unfurl, like universes coming into being. Worlds collide.  Fans watch with bated breath ….  not because Brock Lesnar and Shane Carwin are pound-for-pound the best fighters in all of MMA  but because they are the biggest and baddest mofos to ever traverse the octagon at that scale of magnification.  That weight.

“When two elephants fight, the grass gets hurt.” West African proverb

Their form, unadorned,  dwarfs everything the  imagination throws at it.  Mortals shudder at the thought of encountering  behemoths in anything other than a friendly hello.  (God forbid that any one of us would have to defend anyone’s honor in a bar room diss.) Such is the insidious  cachet of heavyweights the world over. It has been and will always be.

The UFC Fumble: The only match-up that would have rivaled the Lesnar-Carwin card would have been the promised Machida-Jackson matchup; the same  that never materialized because of UFC bungling. But we digress.

Shane De Behemoth, trying to look scary: He is a rock solid cyborg from top to bottom, but will he be tough enough to shock The Brock? We doubt it, and we are rarely wrong.

The end of Shane Carwin’s winning streak is nigh: Shane Carwin will not necessarily be Brock Lesnar’s road kill come UFC 106, but lose to The Brock  he will. Our prediction is that it will be by a stoppage in the  first or second round. The end will come via Lesnar’s  ground-and-pound,  most probably near the edge of the octagon. (Frank Mir will be watching and reliving his trauma.)

Eight reasons Lesnar will win UFC 106: The other tale o’ the tape:

1.  Carwin is hungry, but Lesnar is hungrier. (Needs no explanation.)

2.  Carwin can afford to lose this fight  (He has a stable job ).  Lesnar cannot.  (His ego is now more pumped up than his form during WWE .) The bottomline is that Brock has way more to lose than Shane, especially after flippin’ off the fans at UFC 100. The battle is now up close and personal. Brock against the diehards of MMA who still think of him as a glorified beefcake.

3.  Carwin, “The Engineer” will come in with a cerebral bent and Lesnar will go “gangsta” on him …. well as much as a Minnesota boy who talks of ramming horse-shoes up opponents’ bung-holes can. Lesnar’s M.O. is more primal or should we say “mo” gangsta.  He  will only be cautious until he sees an opening. Then he will explode on Carwin’s  like Machida, but without the chops,  karate or otherwise.

4.  Carwin has octagonal scruples to fret about. Lesnar doesn’t.

5. Carwin has to muster the froth and foam with which to put away his opponents: the quality otherwise knows as the killer instinct.  Lesnar’s come out of the humors of  “fear and loathing”.

6.  Carwin is a gentleman. Lesnar is a thuggish meat-head. (See #4). He doesn’t like people booing or making fun of him. Nobody does, but Lesnar takes it to a new level. How did he get this way? (Well, that is a  story for another day …)

7.  Carwin is strong, but Lesnar is stronger and more explosive beast with a hair reflex trigger, especially in the opening rounds (See #3 & #5, especially #3).

8.  Lesnar has the Mike Tyson thing going for him before (Buster Douglas bust his chops) and the UFC just has not put someone big enough in front of him to stop “The Big Mo” as in momentum. Fans and self-styled analysts have it right: With the exception of Gonzaga, Carwin has really fought a bunch of nobodies, which really makes him one and zero (1-0). And to be really fair, this kind of makes him like Lesnar before Frank Mir in UFC 81 or Heath Herring in UFC 87.

9. Carwin seems to be very guarded about his chances of winning this thing. Lesnar is not. Victory is  fait accompli even as Carwin hems and haws. Caution versus arrogance? Highly unlikely. Carwin’s hedgy talk is reminiscent of Evans’ in the weeks leading to the disastrous UFC 98.  We trust Carwin’s sixth sense.

The Brock In Training For Carwin:

Stay tuned.

Appendices:

Lesnar vs Carwin in UFC 106: The next step in the ascent of Brock Lesnar

Brock Lesnar and Dana White: When the monster turns on Dr. Frankenstein

Sebastian Horsley is as original as recycled spit

He recognizes that as some level, hence the morose campiness of his schtick. He knows he has no genuine talent and tries to make the best of what he has. The dour disposition is genuine. The flash is not.

The disposition is metastatic. There isn’t an ounce of authenticity in his droll piece,  “The Brothel Creeper.” And in the following clip, Horsley hits his lines but barely. And when he does there is a dry, labored quality about them. His facade cracks often, and when it does, he does let on that he is in on the  joke about himself. So is the audience.

At 47, which is old for a leering dandy, he already looks tired. How is this gonna play out when there are no more layers to peel? We are loathe to contemplate this.

Ill Beats and Sick Rhymes: Common’s Thelonius Feat. Slum Village

(If video has been removed, surf for “Thelonius by Common” on Youtube or Google)

This is the shits right here; a hip-hop classic which should be required listening for all aspiring M.C.s; dope beats and ill rhymes that grab you by the lapels and bitch-slap you silly till you cry for your fuh-kin’ uncle. My oh friggin’ my! Noone can fake this shit because it is un-fakeable.

Check out how the last MC on this joint totally hooks into the groove  even as he cuts loose and floats above the beats like a Ninja – playin’ above the rim like friggin’ M.J. And when MC Common spits on this joint, he spits like he owns it. Smooth flow with an edge that never lets you forget who is boss. That’s presence. That’s authority.

Mega, mega props to MC Common and fuh-kin  Slum Village. This  totally  rules!

http://www.lyricstime.com/common-thelonius-lyrics.html

Thelonius – Common Feat. slum village (Lyrics)

Ha, yeah, yeah
Uhh, yeah, yeah, play at your own risk
Act like you know bitch I’m on some grown shit
Ha, yeah, yeah, play at your own risk
Act like you know bitch I’m on some grown shit
It’s the Thelonious, super microphonist
You know us, this rap shit we ’bout to own it
You know it, these mini-mes try to clone us
I got a bonus for the bitch that run up on us
I got a bonus for your bitch that run up on us
It’s the Thelonious, super microphonist

Uhh, no time to sleep cuz if you sleep you don’t eat
Gotta hold heat, just to make ends meet
Niggas livin on the street while other niggas feast
Aight wit you it ain’t aight wit me
Right, gotta make money all my life
Gotta stay fuckin bitches many types
Yeah you know what I’m talkin ’bout
Yup, stay turnin these bitches out
Dick em down also dick em out
Throw somethin down whenever my dick’s out
They know me so they restructure and reroute
They know me from Washington to down South
All the way to London to my nigga Common’s house
Right, it’s like a game we never play out, out, out, out…

Nigga no doubt, nigga get live or get knocked the fuck out
Word up, just be about what you about dogg
Knowhatimsayin’, just play at your own risk
Act like you know bitch I’m on some grown shit
It’s the Thelonious, super microphonist
You know us, this rap shit we ’bout to own it
You know it, cuz you can feel it in your throat
Say it

I’m ’bout to let my mind float
(com, say it)
Get your third eye poked
Fuck game, I assemble dope…
Ness, a nigga that’s fresh as the ’fess
Studied this rap shit, no need to mic test
You can feel it in your chest
Your b i, feel it in her breasts
Plus you, rhyme like a nigga wit his nipples pierced
We lick off lyrics in the streets and real niggas hear us
Dreamin when I wrote this, box me if I go too wild
Still doin this shit like dude in wild style
Invitin wack niggas to dinner
I trick daddy emcees and I don’t know, nann nigga
Who can take it where I take it
You better go into God like Mase did
Leavin crowds complacent
I move em above clouds whether on some ? surface the earth? shit
Or thug style you can feel it in your body
Yeah y’all you can feel it in your body

Like if a 12 gauge shottie shell hit your body
You don’t want no one to find your ass a hobby
Carbon copy, niggas tryin to clone us
You know us, Thelonious, super microphone
You know this, rap shit we ’bout to own it dun, for real

Ay, it’s like a ritual
You been invited let the ? ? stimulate the place
With the grace, nevertheless, I stress
Let the music put a smile on your face
As for the ritual, when it comes to spiritual excellence
You know I always leave you with the taste
I know you like it hard to the core
That’s what you ask for ? ? ? ? ? ? ?
Hurtin like a ? ? in that ass, like a ritual
Conversation with the most high makes me wanna cry
I wonder why, you wanna get to paradise
But that itty bitty part of you don’t wanna die
So pay attention to my word, cuz it’s the truth
Meditation ease the mind, and brings the youth
It’s like a verse you could never read out of a book
Darken the line and your mind like a fish hook
Word is birth, yo I do it till the break of day
Pay attention to your art, never go astray
Word is bond

Yo we do it and we don’t quit
Sucka nigga you don’t want it, it’s Thelonious
Ownin this rap shit, super microphonist, and we known to spit
I spit fire like Esther on Sanford and Son did
I’m raw dude, more juice than Sunkist
You want this, so MJ kept sayin the rhyme flawless
Shit fly like MJ in his prime, off the wall wit mines
I’m grabbin my balls when I rhyme, nine nines bustin plus
Ball all the time, now stay on your mind like great sex
You ain’t on my mind I’m thinkin ’bout paychecks
Niggas large like an adex avirex jacket
Yo the gods they bust like latex sex packets
Emcees they don’t rhyme and ball, they lyin’ to y’all
They dyin’ to ball, the rhyme we do all the time
We do all the fine bitches they fall in lines
Me and my mans is somethin like the source sports
We gettin money a long time and y’all short
My niggas bounce and full rise and y’alls fall
You funny doo, cuz really you think you can do me
When you roll a 500 that’s really a 320
Should of let somebody else hook it
Numbers look crooked like King Kong shook it
I’m from where niggas bang gats when they celebrate
That’s how they play, don’t let it be a holiday
Thelonious niggas, if you testin us we get you laid back
Show you the definition of a pay back.”

(Common “Thelonius” Feat. Slum Village)

Of Pecs, 24 Hour Fitness and Gym Attire: Tales from the natural iron pit

Muscles, home-grown on the range. (photo copyright: www.brianwhitacre.net)

You can no more hide serious muscles than you can hide beauty that is more than skin-deep. The reason is simple: Muscles that are home grown on the range have a habit of showing in the Roman set of the jaw and the veins and sinews of the neck and face like the resolute tip of  an iceberg that hints at  massivity beneath the waterline.

Some wise soul needs to tell that to the gym rodents and pubescent muscle-heads who preen in “thongy” tank tops at 24 Hour Fitness, while all but kissing mirrors in that chintzy emporium of Do It Yourself fitness. Did I say that? Yes, I guess I did. Chintzy emporium of do it yourself fitness.

I, Monsieur Ducheneaux, am sick and tired of the roid-fueled exhibitionism of poseurs who are destined to be as fat as they are buff when their roid fueled enthusiasm flags and their nutsacks begin to shrink from the hellish side-effects of juicing. With mimimal variations, gym clothes need to be worn like office attire. Less is more; with the less applying as much to skin, as the need to strike  poses in front of mirrors.

M. Ducheneaux likes his tees fat and baggy, especially in the arms for reasons already mentioned. The same applies to his pants for reasons that cannot be discussed in mixed company

M. Ducheneaux …Qui, qui ma chère

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