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UFC 116: Brock Lesnar “Mirs” Shane Carwin and submits him via a freakish arm triangle choke!


“Mir” being used as a verb in this case which means taking
down, mounting and utterly dominating (Cyberaxis)

The technical pyrotechnics were missing as we had expected but the fight very much lived to its spectacle billing for the 7:19 minutes the fighters traded leather. At  about 2 minutes  of the second round – Brock Lesnar, who had come within seconds of being “counted out” after a merciless pounding by Carwin  – took Carwin down and then mounted him the way he did Frank Mir in UFC 100. After manhandling him a little he slipped an arm triangle choke on Carwin’s supine form and started to choke him. THIS was manly business –  virtual killing in mundane time – boys need not apply. Fans and even Carwin himself didn’t realize the gravity of what was happening until the cinch tightened and an already spastic Carwin was struggling for dear breath. Reality check time. Carwin tapped out at 2:19 minutes of the second round.

Carwin Pummels Lesnar - Eric Jamison - AP

Shane Carwin ascendantly overpowering in round one pummels Brock Lesnar into a cowering mess (priceless montage) before the reversal of fortune in round two where Lesnar turns the tables on the Carwin and chokes him into a stunning  submission. File this one under virtual upset! The rematch is gonna be MONSTROUS – and Lesnar WILL NOT take any chances this time. (Photo – Eric Jamison – Associated Press)

MMA fans the world over erupted in belief and disbelief. Those on pacemakers were in clear danger of succumbing to what Terence McKenna called  “death by astonishment.”

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UFC 116 with Brock Lesnar and Shane Carwin will be like an execution


Brock Lesnar Belt Thumb

Lesnar @ UFC 116: The pressure to win.

And probably take about as much. About  5 or 6 Minutes,  which in MMA terms translates into one or two rounds. The likelihood of this going to the judges for a decision is almost nil.

The reason for this is the assymetric factors of strength and skill and all of the unknowns that will, without a doubt, impinge on the fight that is just over 3 hours away. Brock Lesnar’s recovery from his illness, the strategies and decisions that fighters end up making in the octagon, cognizant of Mike Tyson’s truism, “Everyone has a plan until they get hit in the face.” Luke Thomas of Bloody Elbow had it right when he opined:

The number of unknowns swirling in this bout is dizzying. Is Lesnar going to have ring rust? Is Carwin going to fold in the later rounds? Will Lesnar be able to take Carwin down enough? How will Lesnar respond when hit by Carwin? I’m not sure how to cook with these ingredients. I certainly believe Carwin is more than capable of stopping the fight at any time. If you’re picking him, you’ve got plenty of good reasons to do so. I’m going to lean ever so slightly to Lesnar, though. I just think he’s got the sort of gameplan to wear down Carwin. Over time he’ll compromise Carwin’s power, physically tire him and impose his game. Unless he gets KO’d. We’ll see what happens. Lesnar, TKO. Luke Thomas, Bloody Elbow) Continue reading

Brock Lesnar will try and make an example of Shane Carwin at UFC 116


Brock Lesnar Mission - UFC 116

Brock Lesnar may have nothing personal against Shane Carwin but that's not the way it's gonna look come Saturday night's UFC 116.

UFC 116 is close enough for people to channel Brock Lesnar’s process. If they  do it right, the will come to the realization that come fight time, Brock  Lesnar will try to make an example of Shane Carwin – not because he hates  the man – but because figuratively he represents detractors and haters who, unlike Stuart Smalley, think he is not good enough,  smart enough or doggone likable.

The strongest felt impulses of mice and men are put out there to be thwarted – but if Lesnar gets his way come Saturday night, he will put  a memorable exclamation mark to the most anticipated fight in UFC  since the emergence of American MMA  from the backwaters of BJJ and vale tudo – and strut around the octagon like he has just pawned the UFC – which may not be that far away from the truth.

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Brock Lesnar and Randy Couture – The unsung story of UFC 116


If there is a guy who has a key to Brock Lesnar’s psyche it has to be Randy Couture. Reason? His “I’m OK, You Are OK” approach to things; his matter-of-fact, aw-shucks approach to what he has and what other people have. Well, come to think of it, there isn’t a whole lot of people that Randy doesn’t have a key to. Nice guys tend to have that quality about them – so in a sense, this is a story about Randy Couture, the famed Captain America of mixed martial arts.

So what does this have to do with UFC 116? Well, as it turns out Randy Couture is one of the people Brock Lesnar has turned to for training help  months/weeks ahead of his UFC fight with Colorado slugger Shane Carwin – which is quite impressive when you consider that this is the case of  290lb behemoth (Brock Lesnar) turning to a wiry 230lb grappler-turned-boxer for advice on how to demolish a proven slugger. At a the mental level, it is deep when you consider the chip Brock Lesnar tends to carry on his shoulder most of the time – the “up yours” attitude that has been his stock in trade since UFC 100.

“I’ve always had a lot of respect for Randy because he paved the highway for the wrestler in the UFC …. The good thing about Randy is that he doesn’t carry a chip on his shoulder.” (Brock Lesnar)

Well, no shit Shylock – reference the last part of that quote. That, among other things – seems to the key to the “friendship” or what passes for it between Brock and Randy. We only wish Lesnar could learn something from that quote concerning the antipathy his own chip-on-the-shoulder persona generates amongst the masses and chattering classes. But that is a story for another day.

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Open Challenge To Brock Lesnar: Stand up and deliver at UFC 116 and begin to earn the respect of MMA


There, we said it. No hemming or hawing. No ambiguity. Lesnar may be king of the hill of the UFC  heavyweight division but he is  far from being king of Mixed Martial Arts – and by that we are talking the Randy Coutures or Fedor Emelianenkos of the world.  Why? Well because he still needs to prove that he is more than a ground-and-pound hog who beyond collegiate wrestling relies too much on his size, weight and strength to smother his opponents and  then pummel them into a bloody stain.   One good Wanderlei-Silva-style-slugfest with knees and kicks thrown in for good measure would do it – with doin’ it having to do with  equalizing this slop-sided equation; i.e. winning by sheer preponderance of size.

Brock Lesnar - Stand And Deliver

Will Brock Lesnar stand up and deliver at UFC 116 or will he revert to the tried and true; the old ground and pound? We would love for him to surprise us, but we are not holding our breath. Reason? We doubt that Lesnar can take a punch.

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Unfiltered Reflections on Tiger Woods


The first to crumble was the moral indignation which had protected him from the press-ly hordes  like a ring of fire; the first intimation of vulnerability  in a man who had never known such. Without the sense of implied moral authority and the right to be left alone, Tiger was as vulnerable as a man running down the street with a vigilante mob at his heels. The fire hydrant incident Thanksgiving of 2009 turned the tables on the reticent superstar. Tabloidry, which was already sniffing around,  caught a whiff of scandal and vulnerability so strong they would not be dissuaded by anything. They began closing in like a pack of dingoes. The next thing to go was Tiger’s ability to posture or protest. His protective saber had lost its glow.

The cat was out of the bag for keeps and Tiger’s failure to realize that will be studied as a case of denial that led to more self-inflicted wounds. Tiger’s words and actions betrayed Michael Jackson-esque naivety and a misplaced belief in talismanic powers  he no longer had. What had been common knowledge among insiders had breached the wall of public knowledge, but it needed Elin Nodergren’s outrage  the way a flame needs an accelerant to burn out of control.  Mea culpa by press statement did not serve Tiger well. The next step – a staged press conference coming about three months later, did little to reverse the damage.

The Apology, Friday February 19, 2010

N.B. Because the YouTube version of Woods apology has been rendered private, you are gonna have to use Google or “The apology” hyperlink below to get to the video.

The apology is pure theater with an  unhealthy helping of the absurd. At this late hour, Tiger should have skipped it all together or given the press and the public something more genuine and believable. Something less scripted and awkward. The performance recalled Chris Brown and his video statement post Rihanna.

Tiger Woods should not have read that statement. The pauses between phrases and passages were pregnant with awkwardness instead of meaning. The closest Woods came to evoking genuine feeling was when he told the paparazzi to leave his mother, wife and kids alone.

Worlds Collide – (The world of sports, entertainment and corporate sponsorship) Tiger would not have needed today’s public apology had he been Joe Blow  caught in flagrante delicto with the family nanny. No, the apology was made necessary by the fact that Tiger is a corporation within a corporation with all kinds of fat cat stakeholders.

The rule book is out there, but athletes, entertainers and musicians, with very few exceptions, still find out the hard way: to wit within the crucible of scandal or inquisition by a pesky press and hypocritical public. There is an unwritten contract  out there, namely that you can get all fame and fortune you want as long as you pay the public/corporate  piper by doing things that shame neither.  There are  exceptions though – a few loopholes for discerning playas. Call it the envelope of tolerance. The playa can get away with virtual murder as long as he doesn’t  get too arrogant or sloppy or careless. Whatever he does should never appear to be daring the press and or the public  to find out …. if they can. Rubbing things in the press’ or public’s face is never a good idea …. as Gary Hart quickly found out.

The Playa and the Edge: Tiger Woods was arrogant and churlish to begin with. That is the edge most playas need to maintain their mojo and “street”  creds. He just got way too sloppy and arrogant in the end. And the result was  public emasculation by corporate and public edict. The result was as awkward as it was stilted. Tiger might have as well been taking the oath of celibacy – and the boys in the barrio reacted as if someone had just kicked them in the you-know-what. No playa, self-styled or otherwise, lives on a public leash.  (Tiger as virtual priest? Nah. That ain’t life – at least the way it’s lived out there.  And therapy? Hell no.  Sniff whatever you sneakin’ but stay the hell away from my freak on.)

Back at H.Q. and throughout the land:  The mea culpa did not ring true, given what those-in-the-know know of Tiger and his M.O. The rationale  for it was less than persuasive beyond the need to salvage a brand. Tiger’s brand and that of his sponsors. The audience was hand-picked and the disclosures were selective. Beyond a semblance of contrition (which seemed like an extreme case of playing outside the comfort zone), the news conference did not reveal anything beyond Tiger Woods’ parallel universes. The corporate and the private. Whether he manages to bring them together in the coming months remains to be seen.

Tiger Woods and Mom

Tiger Woods and Mom, a touching moment of genuineness at the end of an awkward scripted presentation evocative of memorable mea culpas from stodgy world of politics (Photo: Joe Skipper-Pool/Getty Images)

“The blind lead the blind,
Into pits full of snares,
The preacher and the drunkard
Together shout into the night” (J.W.)

Gloria Allred: The crazy-as-a-fox side of this theater of the absurd, had Gloria Allred in a crimson suit that appeared to be running colors, holding a gonzo news conference calculated to capitalize on the moment and get more publicity bang for the buck for her and her client-of-the-moment, Joslyn James, a former porn star that Tiger allegedly “dated” for three years. In a situation brimming such ironies that only someone with the chutzpah of  Allred could brave it, she berated Tiger for lying to Ms. James and not apologizing to her  by name.  Intoned Allread: “Today was not an apology. It was a public relations stunt. It was a disgrace.”

Allred decried her client’s loss of income from porn on account of Tiger’s jealous tendencies. (Threat of a lawsuit? A hint to Tiger to settle with her out of  court? Oi vei!)

It doesn’t take a crystal ball to tell that given the way Tiger’s  saga has unfolded since Thanksgiving,  there is very little hope for his marriage surviving this. We would like to be wrong for his kids’ sake, but we doubt it.

copyright© 2009 cyberaxis.wordpress.com

Appendices:

Too many short putts doomed Tiger Woods at Augusta (Shane Bacon, Yahoo Sports) Note – Check out the comment section.

Of Pecs, 24 Hour Fitness and Gym Attire: Tales from the natural iron pit


Muscles, grown home on the range. (photo copyright: www.brianwhitacre.net)

Muscles, home-grown on the range. (photo copyright: http://www.brianwhitacre.net)

You can no more fabricate natural, lean mass than you pass it off as natural as  in those infamous Foster Farms chicken commercials.

You can no more hide serious muscles than you can hide beauty that is more than skin-deep.  The reason is simple: Muscles that are home grown on the range have a way of showing up in the Roman set of the jaw and veins and sinews of the neck and face like the resolute tip of  an iceberg that hints at  massivity beneath the waterline.

Some wise soul needs to tell this to the gym rats and pubescent muscle-heads who preen in “thongy” tank tops at 24 Hour Fitness, while all but kissing mirrors and playing with their be-hinds in that chintzy emporium of Do It Yourself fitness. Did I say Chintzy emporium of do it yourself fitness. I guess I did 🙂

I, for one, am sick and tired of the roid-fueled exhibitionism  by poseurs who are destined to be as fat as they are buff when their roid-fueled enthusiasm flags and their bodies begin to shrink along with their nutsacks ….. because that is what meat-juice does when the pump dissipates.

With mimimal variations, gym clothes need to be worn like office attire. Less is more; with the “less” applying as much to skin, as the need to pose in front of mirrors.

I like my tees fat and baggy, especially in the arms for reasons already mentioned. The same applies to my pants for reasons that obviously cannot be discussed in polite company  🙂

Goodnight & happy pumpin’.


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